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Twenty
years ago I began a life that was to be filled with drugs. Drugs, anywhere from
smoking marijuana
to hitting up heroin and morphine. My new life started because I was searching for a
real love and peace.
I was hungry for a love that surpassed friendship. I wanted a love that was
willing to die for me
and others if that was what was necessary.
I longed for a peace of mind that knew no worry.
I started traveling with my older brother, Mike,
in Colorado (I was from Indiana) and
living from day to day. Each morning I worked at a "Manpower" job
where I was paid at the end of the day for the work I did. Seven of us
lived in a three-room apartment in a very poor section of Denver. We sold our
blood to buy gas and from there we went to Texas and Florida.
I found that
people were the same there as they were at home...too busy, too tied-up with
themselves, no love to give.
When I began shooting drugs (morphine, heroin, dilaudid, demerol, and many
others) I was sure these people were my "real" friends and that I would
find the love I was searching for. I had found a peace that lasted temporarily
but always wore off like the drugs I did.
Then, the things I was running from
were greater than before!
For the next year and a half I lived from fix to fix. The mornings were spent
looking for drugs to buy so we could get loaded at night. I was living with a
man who was a drug dealer so most of the time we had what I needed. I soon
realized that what was giving me "peace" had now taken possession of
me. I no longer did drugs to get high. Now I did drugs to keep from being sick.
The one thing I had never wanted to happen and always feared had come upon
me: I was addicted to the drugs that used to get me high.
I was at a place
where I did more and more to get high and became more and more dependent. My
artificial
peace left after I was arrested for trafficking narcotics and was taken to
jail. I became paranoid. I was always afraid of being busted and going to jail.
The last three months, I tried time and time again to quit. I was tired of being
dependent on someone or something else.
I wanted to be myself.
I found that, not
only could I not quit without becoming very sick and irritable, but
those around
me didn't want me to quit.
They wanted me to continue dealing and doing drugs
with them.
The thing I once thought was the answer to my searching left me in bed with my
muscles in knots and my whole body shaking. I could not find rest without drugs.
I tried to quit on my own several times but others laughed and said,
"Sure
you'll quit; once a junkie...always a junkie!"
Then my older brother, the one I used to travel and do drugs with, visited me
several times to tell me about a "man" called Jesus. He said
Jesus had
the peace I was looking for
and had filled him (my brother) with the love I
wanted.
Even then I didn't realize what would bring me to search out this Jesus.
I had bought some heroin from a friend in Wisconsin which was pure with no
additives to weaken it. My boyfriend and I did the amount that should have been
a regular fix but turned out to almost be my death. As soon as the heroin hit my
bloodstream, I immediately fell to the floor. The next thing I remember, I was
in a bathtub of ice cold water with a cold shower spraying in my face. My
boyfriend had injected a mixture of saltwater into my veins several times trying
to revive me, but with no success.
Later, I did come to, but
it was not a
syringe of saltwater that revived me.
I believe to this day it was the prayers
of my mom. For three years she had prayed faithfully,
"God, don't let my
little girl die in a drug overdose somewhere."
God heard her prayer.
When I
came to, I was told that for the last time he was going to shoot saltwater into
my veins and if that didn't work, he and some of my "friends" were
going to take me to the Ohio River and dump me because they were afraid of the
penalty if I died.
After this I was sure I had again found the wrong thing to
follow. I found my brother and asked him to tell me more about this Jesus. He
told me all the things I searched for...HE HAD THEM!
That night I went to a small church and on my knees, not even knowing
how to pray, I said, "Jesus, if you are really real and if you can take
this drug addiction from me so that I won't want to do drugs anymore and I won't
be sick anymore, I'll know you are a God (supernatural) because no one can do
this for me."
Within an instant after I got up, I knew there had been a change in me.
From that time on until now, twenty-five years later, I have never had a
withdrawal and have NEVER wanted drugs again.
Today, while my "friends" (who I thought loved me) are in jail (some
in prison for 30 years), some dead (killed by police, committed suicide,
overdosed), and some still doing drugs, I have found a love that supersedes
anything I have ever experienced. Even in my times of disappointments,
I have a
peace in my heart that is unlike anything I ever experienced before.
God has filled me with a love for people that desires to see the sick healed,
the blind eyes opened, the deaf ears unstopped, the captives set at liberty, and
the broken hearts bound up again.
The prophet Isaiah said, "He was wounded for our transgression, He was
bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with
His stripes we are healed."
"Thank
You, Jesus!"
Now I want to
help you meet this same Jesus, the healer of all your diseases, the peace of
your every storm, the friend in your loneliest hour. One songwriter said,
"He is the lily of the valley, the bright and morning star. He's the
fairest of ten-thousand to my soul."
"Please won't you pray with me right now?" Ask Jesus to come into your
heart and forgive you of your sins. Jesus said,
"Behold, I stand at the
door and knock, if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him
and will sup with him and he with me."
If you or a
loved one would like me to agree in prayer with you for a deliverance from drug
addiction, please email me at Trammellministry@aol.com
or write:
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